PHL Anon
Sam Bradford has 99 problems, but a butt ain’t one.
So having played football in college, and having a few friends that are scouts in the NFL, I am well-versed in the scouting verbiage that’s so eloquently phrased as “He has no ass” or “He’s light in the trunk.” You may be asking yourself why I’m posting about another grown man’s ass (this is a very valid question, as I am questioning myself more with each word I type).
We’ve all seen Bradford struggle this season (and stop blaming it solely on the O-Line… they do suck though). He has missed a lot of throws, but what’s been most evident is his persistent act of not throwing the ball down the field. I feel like every pass is within five yards of him, and anything that isn’t is uglier than Buzz’s girlfriend… woof!
Andrew Hurst, a trainer that oversees the Wynnewood Fitness Station, wrote an article this weekend focusing in on Bradford’s butt. Here’s what Hurst had to say in regards to Bradford’s butt:
#Eagles pic.twitter.com/LisX0pBVZ0
— Eliot Shorr-Parks (@EliotShorrParks) October 7, 2015
So, it seems that Bradford needs to start doing the Squat Challenge. Just look at Instagram for inspiration (thank the Lord for whoever convinced women posting their naked asses on IG was a thing), and start working out with Jen Selter. Reference necessary pictures below:
OK. You’re welcome. Back to the issue at hand – our slow, timid, number 2 pencil body of a quarterback needs to get in the gym. It’s time to bulk up, Samuel. Jared Lorenzen gets it!
In summation:
1.) Sam Bradford has no ass.
2.) Sam Bradford sucks.
3.) Instagram is butt heaven.
4.) Jen Selter is perfection.
5.) Jared Lorenzen… just Jared Lorenzen.
6.) Sam Bradford sucks. Again.
And my feelings on this blog:
