Why I Hate Tom Coughlin for the Eagles

Let me start out by saying that some of us at PhillyInfluencer.com like Tom Coughlin as a possibility of being the Eagles’ next head coach, and there are also some that agree with me. What can I say? We can’t all have functional brains that understand how the world works.

So, why do I hate the possibility of Tom Coughlin becoming the next head coach so much for the Eagles? It’s simple in many ways.

I’ll start off by saying that Coughlin isn’t all that bad and he does have some positives, but I think the negatives far outweigh the positives. Coughlin has one thing that makes him no doubt a disaster hire: Eli Manning. While we may hate Manning, make fun of him, and talk about how he’s not very good, the reality is that he’s still a Top 10 quarterback in the NFL. And in having a Top 10 QB, Coughlin still struggled at many times on offense, had to use multiple offensive coordinators, and he’s still looked average, at best, for many years.

This is also a coach that hasn’t been able to get 10 wins in a season in the past five years – in the NFC East. Do we really want to sign a guy that has been 37-43 over the past five seasons!? That is what we want!?!? His offense has been ranked, on average, as the 12th best in the league the last five years. That’s very mediocre in my eyes. And that means his defenses had to have been great to make up for it, right? Wrong. The defense, on average, has been about the 21st best in the league. Is my distaste starting to grab you?

Well, if it hasn’t yet, let’s move on to this piece. For many years, Coughlin has been known as a hard-ass that rubs many people the wrong way. Could this team use some tough love? Yes. Do we need another coach that divides the locker room and pisses off our pampered and needy millennial roster? No, no, no, no, noooooooooo.

What’s another key component that you need in today’s NFL to be successful? The ability to adapt, change, and see what’s coming next. Well, let me just show you how cutting edge Tom Coughlin is. All I need to do is show you the man he trusts to train his athletes to avoid injury and be a peak physical condition. The Eagles currently have a man that trained Navy SEALs. Who did Coughlin have? Someone that might as well be named Mr. Magoo (not Ben McAdoo). Meet John Johnson, the former (until 2008) head trainer for the New York Football Giants.

Mr. Johnson here was born in 1918. That’s right, when Mr. Magoo retired, he was 90 years old. A 90-year old telling a 21-year old how to lift weights and be a monster on the field? He might as well be on a damn Jack LaLanne power juicer commercial. I’m not actually sure that he isn’t Jack LaLanne himself, actually.

Here’s a look at one of their intense workout sessions under, Mr. Magoo.

This isn’t me hating the Giants, so I’m cutting off my nose to spite my face. I think this could absolutely be one of the worst moves the Eagles could possibly make. I’d rather re-hire Chip Kelly than make this move.

So, here it is folks. You’re potential 2016-2017 Eagles’ coaching staff:

Head Coach