PHL Anon
Don’t ever change, Lenny. We’ve come to love the bat shit crazy uncle no one wants around and the can’t wait to hear or see what you’ll do next type of human being you have become. You’re truly inspiring the young minds of America!
This all starts out with a very insightful quote from one of Lenny’s female “friends” named Candy. That may not be her name, but for all intent and purposes, that’s what I’m going with. Candy had this to say about Lenny.
What Santa says goes.
I wonder if she knows that Santa never actually existed for real. Oh, and I’m sorry if you’re sitting in your mother’s basement reading this and had not been privy to that knowledge yet. My apologies, and happy holidays to you, your mom, and her cats. I’m pulling for you that you get that Brazzers Premium membership this holiday season. Dreams do come true!
So, what was Candy referring to when she referenced Santa’s wants? No, it wasn’t just a lap dance in the Champagne Room, even though that totally happened at some point. She was actually referring to what Lenny had to say about Pete Rose.
The three best players in the whole history of the game aren’t in the Hall of Fame. Bonds, Rose and Clemens. Something’s wrong with that picture.
He went on to say about Rose:
No. Never. He’ll never get in. It’s written in the books, after Bart Giamatti died. Last time I saw Rose, I was at a card show. ‘Cause I broke in in Cincinnati, got my first major-league hit there. He was still player/manager. Do you remember what I said to you when you got to first base?’ I said, ‘No.’ ‘Congratulations kid, you only got 4,000 to go to catch me.’ Pete Rose, what he did, it’s crazy.
As for Dysktra, he went on to say that he is writing his own memoir, and that he has “all kinds of stuff going.” I for one can not wait to read this, no doubt, historical piece of American Literature. Chapter 1, “Coked Out of my Mind”. This book will be an instant page turner of insanity.
So, as for his views on Rose. Yes, he should be in the Hall. As for his book – yes, I will be buying it. As for Dykstra, please never change! As for Candy, come by when you’re done in the Champagne Room with Lenny… I’ve got a few singles with your name written all over them.