This Ben Simmons Video Is Amazing: “I Wanna Be Like Ben”

Over the weekend, the number one overall pick who will be selected by the Sixers released this video of his amazing combination of  skills. We haven’t seen this sort of craftsmanship since the days of that little Canadian Steve Nash. And I apologize for my overreaction of a take, but damn that was one hell of a shot!

Since we don’t have anything else to focus on at this time, besides Carson Wentz picking up the Eagles playbook faster than Bradford, let’s break down this shot by Ben Simmons.

First thing that hits me is Simmons plays FIFA and I want some of that No. 1 overall money! Sorry, FIFA is life and if you didn’t know, I won the Pitchers Pub FIFA tournament two weeks ago and I’m ready for another.

OK, now on to the shot:

1. Shirtless: Yes, I know Simmons was working out but it seems that our prized possession has a little Matthew McConaughey going on. Every damn time I see this kid, he’s posing with no shirt on like he’s the lead singer of 112 [$20 if you know that]. Soon, he’ll be dancing and having his entourage pour water over his head for every video.
2. Star Quality: Ladies love a man that looks like that… or some do, I’m told. That makes you wonder what type of Philly endorsements are coming his way. “Shirtless at SugarHouse” has a ring to it. Damn, I’m good.
3. Skills: The soccer move that Simmons hits us with isn’t exactly the most difficult. It’s called “The Rainbow.” I’ve recently broke a lamp trying to do it in my house, and my fiancé was not pleased. All in the name of futbol I told her.
4. “BEN SIMMONS CAN’T SHOOT!”: Well, what are you going to say now? Did you see the form? Did you see the rotation? Just envision that from the corner down at the Well. GAME WINNER vs. LeBron and co.!
5. Reaction: This is my favorite part. It leads you to believe that this was Simmons’ first attempt at the combo. Everybody seemed genuinely impressed. Also, I guess if you don’t act like that, you might not get a cut of that $100 mil shoe deal?!

We needed this video. This is by far the best thing to happen to us since the Phillies five-year run. I’m just looking forward to hearing all of you negative bastards out there, eat your words or delete your dumb Tweets about how Ben Simmons isn’t Philly and he’ll be a bust. Busts don’t have moves like that!